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Pistol Crab (by matout)

This is what I learned in Fluid Dynamics. It’s related to cavitation. I think its super cool. 

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
What we think, we become."

- Margaret Thatcher- The Iron Lady

Well, I’m back in Ithaca. My two day break, felt like so much shorter. I did have the usual grill from the family, so maybe I’m a little relieved to be back here. Sure I do need to think about what they told me…but ergh, I dont want to always be thinking about my future and not enjoy my now. But in retrospect, I really should; it would make things so much easier.

I am starting classes tomorrow though, I’m one of five kids in this Fluids class. It’ll be fun? 

I’m more excited about the cooking, hanging out, slopeside chilling, reading and so much more that will be happening while I’m not in class.  (maybe I should include planning future in that list too) Yay. 

Day of Firsts:

  1. Hair is super short. (For a person who has had long hair for 19 years, shoulder length hair is super short) It feels like there’s nothing on my head. I think I like long hair better. Its more fun to play with, but its only day 1. 
  2. Bought my first pair of nice shorts. I mean I have basketball shorts, but not nice shorts. 
  3. My Grad TA asked if I had a boyfriend over GChat. I didn’t see that one coming. At all. Still in shock. 

Maybe I’m a little too forgiving, or forgive too easily…but that’s just who I am. I can’t seem to hold a grudge for too long, no matter what Person A has done. First off, what do I gain from holding this grudge? Second, is it so bad to have faith in people? Give them the benefit of the doubt? Let them redeem themselves? I’m not quite sure. Sure, it’s like that phrase fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me…but, now I’m not quite sure. It’s just things are changing so quickly, its kinda crazy. One week ago, it feels like ages ago. 

I’m questioning (I was?) my judgement. My brain and logic vs …the rest of me. Parts of me are like: “What are you doing with this kid, he’s hurt you in the past who’s to say that he wont again? Don’t put yourself on the line!” Then the other parts…well those parts are saying a lot of things (a lot of happier things mind you). Which part do you listen to? I really want to listen to the other parts of me. Am I guilty for for wanting to do something for me? Wanting to enjoy something that…? I digress. I guess I fear that I’m just a thing that anyone and everyone can walk over, which isn’t what I want to be. People know that I will forgive them, and they use it to their advantage; I mean its happened before. Sure, I’m forgiving…but taking advantage of me or playing me that’s something I don’t want. It’s not going to happen again.

So maybe the better question is whether one should stay cautious or be reckless? (I would want to be reckless with Person A) 

But what do I know, maybe I’m not mature enough to figure it all out. I suppose I just I dont want to lose faith in people (again) especially Person A. I would be crushed. 

I wish I was more coherent about all of this, but I’m not. Damnnit.

So, there’s officially one week left of my sophomore year. I have one more final left and one more presentation and some other random business for AguaClara to do before then (none of which I want to do). We also won’t discuss the packing I’ll have to do and the goodbyes I’ll need to say. Can’t handle it.

I can’t believe how much has changed from the beginning of this year. I came in expecting…well I don’t really remember what I expected. Maybe I thought I would be friends with the same people, have the same kind of routine? I just remember being excited for a new year. An awesome year with the best kids in the world.

It really was an epic year. It feels like life has come a long way. My friends, well more like my family, we’ve grown so much together. From all nighters to movie nights to random casual strolls to sitting on the slope, lots has happened. I can only think back on all of it and smile. It was a rough road don’t get me wrong, but totally worth it. 

Some thoughts on the year:

  • Don’t fall. Again.
  • A suite is a fantastic idea for a living situation (for the most part)
  • When your friends say they have a high tolerance…dont believe them.
  • Sleepovers FTW. 
  • Chocolate can fix anything. 
  • Finger Painting is the best idea ever. EVER.
  • I freaking love the people around me. All of them. (Like, I would give them all hugs right now if I could..but they are either at home/walking home/studying…but I WILL by the end of this week)

These are so random, and there are so many more…but studying for my test tomorrow is slightly more important. So, I must put a pause to my thoughts.